I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
