So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
