Betty ford says i'm here all night
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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