If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
