I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
