So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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