is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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