Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
