Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
