I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
