the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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