Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
