I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
