The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
