I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
