Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
