I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
