Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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