Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
