He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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