uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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