If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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