cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
