I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The struggles of a small town man whore
Randomize
