It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
