do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
