Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We had to coat check the pizza.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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