apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
