I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
