Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
