is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
