Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i've created a new STD.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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