before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
