woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
