yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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