Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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