its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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