I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
