Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
