did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
