dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
