He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
