I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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