Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
