U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So. Much. Porn.
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