maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
