I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
