May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
