every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
