mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize