apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
