GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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