I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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