Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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