i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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