You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
