I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
