dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
