i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
