One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
