I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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