I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
