I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize